Loving and worship self

I have been pondering an issue lately, when christians say they are worshiping God and tell you how good they are and what good they've done; are they really worshiping themselves? God has been making me question my core beliefs, including if I actually believe in Him. Its been a rough ride. I'm thankful that I have friends that aren't afraid to call me out and say what is on their minds. So, when you are talking with fellow believers watch how you come across, i.e. don't brag about how much you do for God and how great you are. Humbleness is much more intriguing and acceptable. When you "worship" in song, think about what you're doing. Are you singing to get the chills and feel all emotional? Do you go brag about how good your worship was and how much you worship? Question your motives! I had to read Richard Heuer for training and he challenges the way we think, or don't. Its about learning to analyze and question your present mindsets and preconceived thoughts on things. This goes with beliefs more than anything. Question, Search, think, analyze, conclude, and repeat. I don't want to be that guy that is holier than thou and doesn't think, the world has enough of those people. Don't worship yourselves, love God and love people!

Life right now...

Sometimes I wonder how the hell I ended up where I am. Was it Gods will or mine that got me in the Army? A stupid question to me, but I have been asked this many times by people. God puts us in situations to refine us and sharpen us. A tough time in my life means that God is changing me and molding me into what he wants me to be. I can't think of harder transition for me than from a hard thinker toward the New Monastic movement and pacifism to going to the US Army involved in two wars and other secret and peacekeeping missions around the world. I miss civilian life and its freedom dearly. I miss hanging with friends and talking about God and challenging our thinking and views on who God is. I sound like I'm low right now, and thats because I am. Some days I feel somewhat content and think that its all good and other days I wonder why the hell I'm where I'm am. I feel like I am in hell sometimes, but it is shaping and molding me. Part of learning to be a leader is learning to stand up for truth when it makes you unpopular and makes people hate you. Its justice and its what I have been learning lately. I am different than I was back in February when I left for the Army. I am less concerned with looking like a Christian and being a Christian, I am more concerned in Truth and loving my God and trying to do his will and understand him. I am living for the Gospel, not Christianity or any other religion. I will continue to do things I despise and make me uncomfortable to become who God wants me to be. To lose me and gain Christ is what I want, I just suck at it.